busy without thinking. going without pausing to consider where. life filled with activity, but really just an empty bustle that hides a vacume. only by intentionally depriving myself of routine, by breaking it and plunging into foreign continents, do i actually awaken, and only then for the briefest time. stuck in some bus depot with nothing to do. no music to listen to. nothing to read. no one to talk to. i find myself writing. exploring. actually thinking. in ways that are impossible at home.