Several exciting things have happened to me recently, and I've been meaning to record them:

In jamba juice two days ago I received a free smoothy for being able to juggle!! Years of practice have finally yielded a financial reward.

Today, I survived an attempted poisoning on my flight from San Diego to Oakland. I definitely asked for orange juice, but instead was surprised by a mouthful of something closer to battery acid. "oh, i'm sorry. didn't you want vodka mixed with that?" Why do these things happen to me? Maybe my sobriety has annoyed the deity of getting hammered. Maybe the flight attendant was on crack.